Bad Relationships: 3 Keys To Never Having One

When people to talk to me about their relationships and ask me for my honest opinion, some times I find myself hesitant to say my initial reaction to their question! This question is usually preceded with an explanation, (“their’s”), of what happened, meaning for the most part, why the relationship is failing.

The conversation may start off like this, for instance; “Hey Ant/Tony do you have a minute?” My reply is “Of Course, What’s going on?” “Well it’s my relationship with [insert name here], we’re not getting along with each other! “We’re constantly arguing, I’m not happy, and he’s not happy, what am I to do?” “Why won’t he just listen?” she says with hurt and disgust in her voice. Then, while standing there trying to take it all in, she asks for my honest opinion! Once again I say that I’m hesitant because I understand the following things about her question:

I’m only hearing 1 side of the problem relationship

She’s emotional and her judgment could be clouded by the emotions

She never stated blatantly where she was wrong in the situation

As these are all very good reasons to be hesitant when giving advice to a person about their relationship, because to respond instantly and base your opinion solely off what only one person says/feels is not wise at all. You could lose a friend, or damage a relationship further. The breaking up of the couple is for them to decide.

However, the best way to be a friend or counselor is to cause the person to think and act. Why should I try to get a person to think? Better yet, you may wonder, “How do I get a person to think, and think about what?” Well this is the first step:

NEEDS & WANTS

Sometimes if not most we confuse to the two! A need is something that has to be in your life in order to sustain it. We all need water, clothing, shelter, and a companion! A want is a desired thing because of some surface characteristic; hair, shape, color, smell, etc. The things for her to think about, or consider is when you met this guy were you attracted to him because of “him”, the person, or was it because you thought he was nice looking? He had a nice job or car?

If you were attracted to him for him, then chances are you have a good relationship but it’s going through a tough stretch so you have to just tough it out until things ease up. Other than that you two began with the proto-typical “bad relationship” start. The bad relationship start is easy to detect, and avoid. Now we’re all human so attraction to each other is going to be apart of the process. The key thing is to not stop there. Make it your business to get to know this person. To test your feelings truly, think of it this way, if this person was sick, badly hurt, imprisoned, or maimed even; would you care for him? The natural response is to say yes, however could you do it for 2 yrs.? 5 yrs.? 10 yrs.? These are very tough questions to ask yourself, but if you stick with a person through the extreme situation, surely you can deal with the second step of avoiding the “bad relationship”!

COMMUNICATION:

If you’re reading this and you are not in a relationship currently, I’m pleading with you to apply these principles at the beginning of your next relationship! Establishing solid communication between the two of you will save you time, headaches, and pain-it is so necessary I can hardly stress it enough. To amplify its’ importance think of it like this, especially for those in a relationship good or bad; if you work to get good & honest communication you can move the relationship up for Step 1. To make that clearer let’s say you’ve in a relationship 3 or 4 years but you all rushed into it and now you’re having problems, after problems! He’s not talking to you, and you hardly try to talk to him, and this pains you to the point you thinking of leaving the relationship altogether! Okay, now you’ve come across this article and you want give these steps another try, but with a renewed focus this time. I’m saying that since the two of you have been together for a considerable amount of time, it is better to focus on communication because when start asking the right questions you will essentially cover everything in Step 1. What are the right questions you may ask? How’ll about asking him what he wants from the relationship? Ask if he realizes the difference between needs and wants? If not explain it to him and give him some time to get a grasp of what you are saying. Effective communication will cover Steps 1 & 2, for those who already in a relationship, and want to avoid it becoming a “bad relationship!”

This leads us to Step 3…

PARTICIPATION:

One of the most crushing blows to a relationship is the lack of participation. Being selfish has very rarely done anything to help a relationship! Does your relationship has this feeling; He doesn’t want to be involved with things you like and you don’t want to do the things he like, and both of you are strongly standing on your respective points! But really what’s the “POINT” here? Isn’t it to build a relationship together? Don’t you have to be together, in order to “be together”? Can’t spend at least a little time together, outside of sleep!

Here’s what I’m saying, if you don’t have it in your heart to do some of the things he like to do just because that’s what he likes, then there will always be a problem in your relationship! He has to do the same for you as well! You may not like what he likes, but being supportive works wonders for the bonding of the relationship. You make sure that he does this for you also! Trust me any relationship that you are in or see others in that have only one person trying to keep it together, are on the “bad relationship” road! It may even work for them, but the stress and strain that they will go through may not be bearable for the average person out here. You can avoid this stress and strain by establishing that balance for the two of you.

So keep in mind to make sure the both of you support each other enough so no one feels like they’re the only one making an effort. Also, I must put this disclaimer here; I am not, I repeat; I AM NOT implying that you help him do something illegal, or that he helps you do something illegal! This is simply an attempt to give you a path to a better relationship through 3 easy steps that you can apply at any and every point of your relationship. Put them into effect now, and you will have laid the foundation to never have a “bad relationship” again!

By Anthony Willis
Anthony Willis works as a relationship consultant to friends and colleagues. He has help many save struggling relationship of people from various levels society.
He can be reached at ants_articles@yahoo.com

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FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP:3 Little Known Secrets To Insure Success

       This for all the fathers who have problems raising their sons, and for the fathers who would like for their relationships to be better.  Hello my name is Anthony Willis and I want to ask you a couple of questions. How many times have you seen other fathers and their sons not speak to each other for months? Years? Also, of those people how many times was the reason(s) for the lack of communication due the father not letting the son express his thoughts? How many times was it due to the father not being able to cope with the son’s individuality, i.e. the son’s need to be “his own man”? Have you done this yourself?    

     Those simple questions have been given complex answers by many of us that have sons, yet the problems that arive have destroyed many relationships between fathers and their sons. The sad truth is that there was really no need to go through that hardship at all! Would you like to know why?

      Well as the father you are primary example of what a man is. You are his teacher and trainer into manhood. He is constantly looking to you for guidance on how to act, think, and speak. Well, by using these 3 little known secrets you can either inhance your relationship with your son or they will serve as a reminder for you.

• Encouraging them to be problem solvers.
• Allow them to make mistakes, not errors.
• Don’t try to relive your youth through them.

1. Encouraging them to be problem solvers:    

     This is especially critical if your son is still young, teach him how to solve problems. It’s better that he’s in the habit of quick thinking when it comes to problems, because otherwise those problems lands on your doorstep oneway or another. If he’s still young, say about 4 to 11 years, you instill the problem solving habits thru little games or situations that you come with while the two of you are playing together. This will be “fun” to him and he may not even realize what you are doing at the time, all he know is that he’s “having fun with daddy,” which is a good thing for your relationship. Later on this will help in becoming a man, and being a father like you!

2. Allow them to make mistakes, not errors    

     The difference between a mistake and an error is that a mistake is usually made when a person has a lack of knowledge and an unwanted result occurs. An error is made when a person “knows” the good and bad options of their choice and they choose the bad option and get the bad results. Here are examples of the two:

Mistake:   

Your son, let’s say 17yrs old, is walking home from school and a classmate offers him a ride home. The classmate, who turned 18 the month prior, has driven to school several times in the car, which is his mother’s car. Now on the ride to your house, they are pulled over by police, why? Not because of drunk driving, seat belts, or speeding, but because the classmate took the car w/o his mother’s permission. She didn’t know he in fact had the car, so she reported it stolen, and… your son calls you from the police station.     

This is a situation where of course you are mad and upset, however he had no way of knowing that the car was reported stolen, nor did the driver. It was a mistake! How do you handle it? You explain to him to ask questions, and give him situations where it is in his best interest to ask those questions! When you do that, you are building the bridge for him to come and talk to you about anything. Allow only a small amount, but make sure you inform him so he can make better decisions!

Error:    

Your son, let’s say 17 yrs old again, has a girlfriend and of course they go to school together. One day coming home from a half-day of school, he walks her home as usual. However since it was a half day of school; her parents aren’t home. She invites him in and naturally being attracted to each other, they become intimate with each other. On top of that, they did not use any protection. A couple of months go by, and shortly there after the girls pregnant, and her parents are calling for you…and him.    

This is a situation where no doubt you are so mad at him, that you become hoarse from yelling at him, why? Because 9 out of 10 times, you told him about sex, and about protection, becoming a daddy, e.t.c. How do you handle it? You try your best to drive in him to not make bad decisions, and to never let “pressure” be his deciding factor to do anything! Thoroughly teach him what peer pressure is, and how to handle it! Train him so that he doesn’t what to make any errors, not because of fear of you, but because it’s just not the best decision to make!

3. Don’t try to relive your youth thoroughly through him    

     This is a mistake that some fathers make, especially in the sports world. Don’t get me wrong, every man should want his son to be successful, but “your tunnel vision” on “his success” can drive a wedge between you two. The father oftimes are so consumed with the “potential” dollars of his son making it to the “big leagues” or “the pros”, that he forgets that his son is a child and just want to have fun. The same goes for parents who push their children academically, but with such rigidity that the poor child, can’t handle even the slightest imperfection and feels destroyed. The sports child feels like the fatherloves the game/money (potential) more than his own son! Is that the case for you? How do you handle it?    

     You handle it properly by letting them be children and live a little. Give them some freedom, because if you have been training them since they were young, they are probably going to do the things you were encouraging them to do anyway. However, the children need room to find themselves also. No one wants be in a career that they hate, or better yet they did it because of you solely! They’ll hardly enjoy it, and quit it all together to pursue their inner passions. Find out what their inner passions are early in their lives and incorporate some “rock solid principles” for them to apply in their lives, so that they will be successful in whatever your sons choose to do!

     In conclusion, ENJOY the rest of the teaching process, it is or should be every father’s dream and life goal for son(s) to go farther than he did. Remember how far they go is a testament to the FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP that you are establishing now! By you teaching them this way, they will in turn teach their sons the same way and because of YOU, your family will have continual growth!!! Build your Father Son Relationship TODAY! 

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RELATIONSHIP FORUM:

RELATIONSHIP FORUM: 3 KEYS TO GETTING THE BEST OF THEM FOR YOU

People have been asking me about this for a while. The questions range from; What’s the best relationship forum? Who should I trust in a Relationship Forum, the administrator or the commentators? Why should I look into a relationship forum at all, what’s the use, it seems like a bunch of people spewing their problems to the whole? Why bother? Who cares?

Well, YOU should! The purpose of a forum is for open discussion between people. The Romans built large buildings for this purpose, however in our society we are able to do the same, both in the traditional function and on the net. However I do caution people that you can lose large amounts of time just looking at questions and responses in these forums. It’s kind of like going to a sporting event and trying to listen to every conversation that is being held; you could waste a lot of time. So the key things to do are:

Go In With Your Filters On

Only Respond In Short Answers

Leave Your Contact Info For Further Discussion

Follow these 3 simple keys and you’ll realize the beauties of a relationship forum. In these relationship forums you can find out problems to avoid, solutions to similar problems that you have and some that you may have come across. It’s better to be prepared and/or spared of problems. In other words, learn from other people mistakes and mishaps. You’ll be surprised by reading the questions and answers that you’ll see yourself and your sweetie in those posts. So use the forums wisely, and to your advantage.

Here’s how to apply the 3 keys:

1.) Go In With Your Filters On

Know what you’re looking for, before you even go into the relationship forum and by golly stick to it. It may take some practice but after a while you’ll get use to it. Just keep in mind your subject, whether it’s relationship money, bad relationships, or long term relationships, whatever. The point is to stick to the point.

2.) Only Respond In Short Answers

Let’s be honest the chance that you see a post that either extremely helps you or makes you wonder, “what was this person thinking when they posted this crap?”  is very high because you’re looking at a subject that has your interest! Don’t let (you) waste your time either with these long winded time consuming (from typing) responses. Remember K.I.S.S.? Apply it here!

3.) Leave Your Contact Info For Further Discussion

This is straight to the point. You can type your url in the body of your post, or if the forum allows you always have a link to your url, whenever you post this is fine also. The reason for the further discussion is if you truly want to talk to the person for whatever reason; debating, seeking understanding, etc.

Always keep in mind that your time is precious and all that excess time that you wasted looking around that relationship forum, you could have been spending it with your sweetie. Always apply these 3 keys to any forum, especially a relationship forum.

 

Since you’re going to be visiting them it wouldn’t hurt to find out how to get money from these forums.

 

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